sabato 25 ottobre 2014


Funny Definitions

Father: The banker that nature provides.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes

Compromise: The art of slicing a cake in such a way that everyone believes they received the biggest piece

A pessimist : an optimist with a lot experience

The day after 


A word used by boring people to describe fun people

The most confusing creatures that God put on the face of earth.

A fool who finds problems where others seek pleasure!

Mother:one person who does the work for 20...for free.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills

  Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated
by feminine water-power.

The annoying time between when I wake up and internet access.

  Etc.: An abbreviation that makes others think you know more than you actually do

Patience:The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Marriage:It's a agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and women gains her masterd

 Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all our life so that you can die rich.

 The best time to do everything you had planned for today.


When you're too young for half the things you want to do and too old to do the other half.


  The Only Reason To Buy Bread


The reason you are failing your classes

Valentine's Day: A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof mascara:
Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.


 A bitter fluid used to help white people dance


Time to relax while you watch someone wo cares do all the work.

Common sense:
A rare form of intelligence.Only 1 in 12,000 are born with it.

The radical notion that women are people.

The most confusing creatures that God put on the face of earth.

one of the many stranger on Facebook

something you tell everybody to tell nobody.


 The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.


A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.


 A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.


 Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.

  Old Indian word for bad hunter.

The last two minutes of a football game.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

DIVORCE:  Future tense of marriage.


Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second Wife:what is $1000 with me?
Husband:A coin

Wife:Ok give me a coin Husband:wait a second


If love is blind,why is lingerie so popular?


5 Wonders Of The World:
1) 2 Girls Sitting Quite..

 2) Wife Not Asking For Money

3) Girlfriend Paying Bill..
4) Girls Coming Without Make -Up
5) Boys Saying I Love Only 1 Girl

 Every morning              
  I long to hold you          
  I need you,I want you  
  I have to have you.        
  Your warmth,your smell,
  your taste..Ohh Coffee,
   I LOVE YOU!                 

If you fall,I'll be there.

Me, behave? Seriously? 
   As a child I saw :
 - Tarzan almost naked 

- Cinderella arrived home after midnight
 - Pinocchio told lies
 - Aladdin was a thief
 - Batman drove over 200 miles an hour
 - Snow White lived in a house with 7 men
 - Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos
 - Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced
his performance
 - Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies.
            The fault is not mine!

Police: knock knock
Me : Who is it?
Police: it's the police
Me : What do you want?
Police:We just wanna talk
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me : Then talk to each other

Universal LIES
1. I’m not drunk.
 2. I won’t hurt you.

3. Lets’ stay friends.

 4. She’s just a friend.

5. I lost your number.

6. I need time to myself.

 7. I’ll start a diet tomorrow.

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