mercoledì 29 ottobre 2014

SCHOOL: FUNNY JOKES

35 FUNNY IMAGES
 SCHOOL LIFE:

Most irritating moment
- Morning alarm

Most difficult task
- To find SOCKS


Most Dreadful Journey
- way to class


 Most lovely time
- meeting friends


 Most tragic moment
- Surprise test in 1st period


Most wonderful news.
- TEACHER IS ABSENT.


ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0%
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page





http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/scuola-frasi-divertenti.html


Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid


Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage


Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

 Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* it will simply become wet


Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

 
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Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands



Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.


Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Concrete floors are very hard to crack.


                   *********
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning? 

Student :About an hour and a half after I arrived at school.



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In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45.
 At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30.,


3 things I've learned in school:
Texting without looking,

sleeping without getting caught,
teamwork on tests.”.


Friendship… is not something you learn in school.
But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really
haven't learned nothing 





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Bill Gates – 11 Rules you will never learn in school

Rule No. 1: 
  Life is not fair. Get used to it. 
The average teen-ager uses the phrase "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day.
You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever.


Rule No. 2:  

 The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock.
 Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair.


Rule No. 3:   

Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.
And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either.
You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.


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Rule No. 4:   If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss.
 He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier.
 When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.


Rule No. 5:   Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping.
They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either.
They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6:   It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible.
This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation
. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.


Rule No. 7:   Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are.
And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-diet-quotes-and-tips-to-lose.html

Rule No. 8:  
 Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't.
 In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer.
Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt.
Effort is as important as results.
This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life.


Rule No. 9:

   Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off.
Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours.
And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.
 While we're at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself.
 Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)



http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/funny-compliments.html

Rule No. 10:  

 Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom.
Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials.
In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs.
Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.


Rule No. 11: 

  Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule No. 12: 

  Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic.
 Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth.
 That's what you look like to anyone over 20.
 Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.


Rule No. 13:  

 You are not immortal. If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule No. 14:   

Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing.
But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. 

Maybe you should start now. You're welcome.


http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/10/how-to-choose-your-half-orange.html

funny t -shirts


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http://frasidivertenti7.blogspot.it/2014/11/funny-alcohol-jokes.html

THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL
1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.


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